11 Skills for Healthy Relationships

(Excerpted from "Sexual Anorexia" by Patrick Carnes)

Affirming love behaviors: acts that show emotional and moral support for the person we love; that show respect for and have a high value of the person we love.

Expressing love behaviors: tones of voice, gestures, postures and facial expressions that show our love.

Verbal love behaviors: words, pet names and phrases that show our expressions of love.

Self-disclosing love behaviors: acts and words revealing intimate facts and unique aspects; being open and vulnerable.

Tolerating love behaviors: acts showing an acceptance of the less pleasant aspects of the other - and doing so without judging the partner.

Tactile love behaviors: physical contact demonstrating loving affection and loving sexuality

Object/ gift love behaviors: giving gifts that demonstrate how much we care for our partner.

Receptional love behaviors: acts and words that show that we appreciate and acknowledge when any of the previous behaviors were done for us.

Reception skills:

1. Actively identifying and focusing on each expression of love as it is shown by your partner.

2. Avoiding discounting (putting down or ignoring) the expression of love when you notice it.

3. Giving appropriate comments that show you did notice and appreciated the expression of love.